Thought Overflow…Golda’s BlogIf memes are like genes, then having a conversation in which you share ideas and come up with new ones is like…?

So my writings here are sort of musings, on the personal side as opposed to the what-the-hell-is-going-on-in-the-world side. I also write as gvelez on medium; as wordmonkey on dailyKos; occasiontally on Blog for Arizona and once on impakter should you wish to subject yourself…

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Golda to Writing  

I will post this. Although it may ramble, be warned – this morning I have given myself permission to simply write, a sort of private-public diary, to try to tease one noodle out of the bowl, or to follow one twisted path of thoughts up to the root.

Reading Virginia Woolf helped, I think. Though it also made me discontent again in the routine I have accepted, the one where most of my life and day goes into work for something that I don’t fundamentally care deeply about, that is not core to me. How did that happen – something to do with rent, bills, children I think. Yet it also has a benefit, this discipline, I have learned valuable patterns from it. The question is, can I find time to apply those patterns to what is core to me, before my mind becomes more fuzzy than it already is?

I have found, this past year, some threads that do feel deeply central, some possible solutions to the world that I want to try, that can be tried by a single person or a small group, that I believe can grow and live and combat some of the cancers that are so rampant right now. Pursuing these fully leaves even less time for a wandering mind, but I cannot complain – perhaps I should instead read again Child of the Dark, in which the protagonist manages to write in the early hours of darkness while spending full days gathering paper to keep hunger from her children – not always successfully.

That said, where does this thread go, if not simply in a circle?

Tied to the real world after all, which is the only anchor to keep the tangles from simply becoming clouds of worms, or utter foolishness. People. A_, G_ the families who I have made connection with in their deep pain this last year. My children, of course, my husband. But when thinking about the world, it behooves one to connect to it in a real way. And making that contact, directly with the reality of fear and grief and loss under these authoritarian regimes growing like cancer with their disgusting front philosophies that greed is somehow good, or the shallow paper tigers of ‘fighting terror’ or ‘fighting corruption’ – but not by exposing it to the light.

That contact, for a while it made it difficult for me to have normal conversations, to deal with petty issues, even to take pleasure in silliness or lighthearted play or music.

Now that has changed, and somehow the minor inconveniences and small pleasures live side by side with the feeling of being in an epic battle for freedom, truth and cooperation against greed, lies and violence.

I still worry about letting people down, not doing enough to help, or forgetting my own family in the bigger picture, or just forgetting to feed the fish. But it feels more like a flow of some kind, now that I am swimming more than thrashing, or at least I hope so.

I find I feel love for my foxhole-mates, all the others that I know and do not know, who are engaged in this same struggle one way and another. I don’t feel any need to be in charge of others, but I do think that I have some insights that I want to share – about the patterns, that its not enough to say, here are the victims, A, and the perpetrators, B, and all we need do is kill the B and give weapons to the A. Because being a victim does not make one moral, or a leader, or necessarily know all the solutions! Even very innocent victims, may envision solutions that would produce a system that can be easily gamed or taken over, or misused, by oversimplifying and directing force without feedback.

Feedback, transparency, truth, openness – these are a general pattern that protects. Simply allowing others to see, and to comment, and to say the impact they have felt, is perhaps the most general and powerful corrective mechanism. This is why, in fighting I focus on openness, of the DHS camps, or of campaign donations, and at least contact into the secret prisons.

And, telling people who do not see, who do not realize, the level of hidden violence in the world, is another thing I want to find a way to do. Not sure how to do that, the talks that I see given seem mostly insufficient, but I don’t know that I’m prepared or qualified to do better. Perhaps I’ll try anyway.

The power of making sense…

The positive side of capitalism is a free flowing distribution of efforts and resources

Downside is that it is subject to both parasites and cancers

The real thing is the flow of information, effort and fixed resources. And this flow is more interesting if one starts with information rather than an anonymized proxy for resources. So information about what efforts are going on, how one can contribute, and what the intended outcome will be, allows people to optimize their contributions. trust networks, transparency and long term voluntary relationships minimize parasitism and cancers.

This is sort of a draft, will polish this later…

indeed – its only an anonymized representation of value. But some types of value inherently cannot be anonymized. Some of those come under the category of ‘love makes the world go round’

I may not be judging this book fairly as a work of fiction – I wanted to read it because I had originally read the Rock and a Hard Place, the book published by “Pete”, when I was about twelve, and had really gotten into it. I’d felt a bit betrayed when I found out it was a hoax, and remembered the note from “Dad” assuring readers that “Pete” was real. So I wanted the story behind that, how Maupin had been hoaxed too.

The Night Listener felt like yet another hoax, unfortunately, a lie about how a lie came to be. Because it didn’t account for how the boy’s book _was_ published, with a long foreward from Maupin assuring readers that it was real. Why did the real Maupin do that? Did he have doubts at that time, was he trying to help the boy, or did he know it was false and it was some sort of coldhearted calculation in this strange world of elephants? I feel a bit more let down at the end, that this book was again some fantasy for suckers, and nothing to do with whatever the real motivations were in the real story that occurred.

If one likes a show, this book is all right. But if you want to see behind the curtain, not so much.

… And yet – thinking again – I think he did give some clues in the middle, in his imaginary conversation with the imaginary publisher, of why he could not really explain. So perhaps it is meant to be as true as he felt he could be. And he also mentions, how telling the truth would hurt and affect so many others. So perhaps this is as real as Maupin could be in correcting his lie to us readers, yet without telling truths that would wound others…a tricky dance indeed.

also posted at goodreads – https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/2922682464

one has to make a certain kind of sense to attract investors or donors; but one has to make another kind of sense, perhaps even more sense, to grow organically without dollars. and so this becomes an interesting discipline, that can create a particularly healthy organism

“I’ve made it not because I assimilated, or because I have a little bit of money, or because my voice be heard. I’ve made it because I can disagree with and question what America is really all about. I’ve made it because I can demand more from my country.”

– Julissa Arce, My American Dream, p 285

…not combined with good patterns/best practices not only pave the way to hell, the road is a bit bumpy.

in a hospital, the nurses not only desire not to kill patients, they check 3 times that the actions they take are correct

similarly best practices are important, esp when combined with power. Some of the greatest harm right now is coming from excessively powerful leaders who at one point had good intentions.

Not in the sense of correct or incorrect conclusions, but in the sense of when is an argument or discussion between two people actually a logical argument? Only if it takes place in a single axiomatic space. (which is rarely the case!) In order to actually have a logical argument, both people have to agree on a single space, or set of initial assumptions. Given the real world of complex inner spaces, this probably means that one person must enter the other’s space to explore it and look for inconsistencies and bring up real world data to explain. Which is why this sort of real argument is necessarily very intimate.

But the type that often occurs, where each person is talking from within their own space, is both illogical and frustrating.

I love Ursula LeGuin’s ‘No Time to Spare’ piece, in which among other points she points out the value of time to just have thoughts and feelings, to feel and think. I so agree..yet, when I have such time I often think of things to do and feel why they are so important. And then the doing cuts back the time again for thinking anything.

0 Raw Comforts

Golda to Thoughts  

For work, I’ve been put up in 400/night, fancy hotels with player pianos and gleaming artwork, in suites with jacuzzi tubs with views of Hollywood Hills or right in the middle of Mardi Gras. And I appreciate it. But, for some reason its comforting getting takeout on the street from the Flying Falafel, whose motto is ‘your balls are in good hands’, hearing the workers off-color joking in Spanish ‘CHING-a tu madre’. The way that San Francisco is gentle with its homeless, with the crazy people on the street, is also comforting; maybe because it makes me feel that I could be real too, that if I felt a bit crazy or had something not quite expected to say, that no one would raise an eyebrow.

What I find oppressive is the fast food chains that force every worker to say the same words hundreds of times a day. I’d rather live in a world where people can be themselves, even if its messy and raw.